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1.
This van should have died 20 years ago but somehow survived 2000 miles. As we almost fell off the mountain side did you ever think we were terrified. Our journey home could be even worse but hey man that was our curse. Smoke was constantly pouring out of all of the air vents. It is amazing that none of us had asphyxiate. It was all worth the hassle because this was our 8 days on top of the world where the 5 of us could not be taken down. Our 8 days to surrender all our past constraints in an effort to make our mark. I count the days with every second not wanting to let them pass, but time was always passing. These were the times that we had together. Close to my heart just like we were brothers. After the fights we banded together. And after all the fights I hoped that we could always stay thick as thieves because you can count on me. Times are always passing. Times are always passing me right on by. That was our last chance to go for greatness. This now has become my final chance. We will always remember the times that we had.
2.
This is my cancer that spreads into my veins. It grabbed a hold of my thoughts and left me physically drained. Am I nothing but obsessions that left my body as a shell? I’ve become a distant stranger, far from the kid I used to be. I am your profit. Make money off my misery. Feed my delusions of the man I strive to be. I am at your disposal. That’s what you wanted all along. That’s what you wanted all along. When I sleep at night I pray for comfort that one day I’ll find what it is I’m looking for. You make me destructive.
3.
I found the hands I needed, last fall when I was defeated by the ghosts of my former self. There’s no god but I was in hell, drifting from place to place in search of somewhere safe. Skinny legs and wolf eyes, you are what saved my life and gave purpose to the word “survive.” Promise we’ll never sink and I will never leave to sulk on salt stained sleeves. I’m done with the old me, and the monsters on the wall. I‘ve moved on from the fall: good vibes about that time, but now I’ve made you mine. I’m blowing kisses at the moon again, to signify that broken hearts can mend. Let’s not forget what we had back then, but realize there’s still safety in the term “best friends.” Hold my hand and I’ll hold yours.
4.
Ask me about the man that I’ve become and I’ll let you in on secrets. I’m afraid of everything I’ve always said I’m not. But the lion’s throat that ate my heart says courage is all we got, so I’ve kept by head high the best that I could. Eric, I’ve given all I have to give, it’s your job to choose the will to live. That choice is harder the older you get, but we have nothing that we need to prove because we’ve got nothing left to lose. I trust you will be a better man than the one that I pretend to be. That choice is harder the older you get. Ask me about how I’ve cried out wolf howls, ask me about how I’ve cried out wolf howls to moons that aren’t there. I am afraid of what I’ve become.
5.
Always leading losing battles with no meaning, I’ll be the one to blame when everyone I’ve loved forgets my name. Oh, I can write it down, but history decides who sticks around.

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released February 7, 2012

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